Life

I want to blog…I really do! I just don’t have anything to say these days.  Summer is pretty laid back around our house so nothing exciting happening really.  That chalk flower up there? That was part of the big fun we had yesterday. I’ve been working on losing weight but I have a different blog to talk about that so I try to keep it over there.  No crisis. No down cycles. Nothing super spectactular.  Just…life.

Life with a ten-going-on-fifteen year old, that is. Although she is not as ‘grown-up’ as most girls her age, she is still having definite teenage moments.   Hormones, most likely, but argh.

Oh, and she’s going to week-long church camp later this month. Never done that before! Cue Mama freaking out here.

I am very deliberately disengaged from politics and ‘news’ in general right now. Just better for my sanity, I guess.  Five minutes of watching the news and I can literally feel my blood pressure rising!  Of course the one news that is hard to avoid these days?  Hours (and hours) of Michael Jackson coverage.  Good thing there are no real news stories going on in the world, isn’t it?

Sorry, the stupidity of it all brings out the sarcasm in me.  My apologies.

I’m excited about the two books I picked up at the library today.  They are:  The Contented Soul…the art of savoring life by Lisa McMinn and Dumb things Smart Christians Believe by Gary Kinnaman.  Anyone ever read either of these? It was one of those times when I just grabbed the first couple of books that caught my eye without any knowledge of them beforehand, so I’m curious!

We also grabbed ten movies at the library, something I always forget we can do! Ten movies, free, an entire week till they’re due back…why don’t I do this more often?

Well, it’s bedtime and I still need to go do the dishes, so I’m going to wrap this up. Not very interesting I admit, but hey, it’s a post!

Married for 12 years now…

We just don’t celebrate like normal people.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Disturb Us, Lord

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

attributed – sir francis drake -1577

What have I been up to?

Busy, busy, busy!  Between scrambling to finish school for the summer, we have been running Princess here, there, and everywhere! She had a week and a half of state testing, was in a play at church, marched in a couple of different parades twirling her baton, crowned at church as an honor star, had a four day visit with her grandparents, went to a graduation for my niece and the party the next day, and on and on. Right now, she is away at a two day church camp two hours away!

(This is only a warm up for the WEEK long church camp in July…of which I am freaking out a bit!)

Anyway, we’ve been busy. Here are a few pics for you.  (I can’t find the crowning pics right now, those will be a seperate post, apparently!)

One of the parades she twirled in last month!

She played a farm wife in the church play. I think she did an awesome job…of course!

Here she is with her farmer ‘husband’ praying over a young farmhand!

Being her usual silly self at her grandparents house. I so love this girl.

Teaching daddy to twirl…too funny.  We were at her grandparents house here.

Hopefully I’ll have a real post up soon. No excuses, I’m just being a lazy blogger these days.  Hope you’re all enjoying your summer!

You’ve got to be kidding me

You know, in the past few months I’ve really forced myself to not get worked up over things I hear on the news or read online, out of sheer necessity.  So many things going on in this country (in the whole world, really) that are just so wrong, so disturbing, seemingly hopeless.  I’ve been practicing patience and faith in God, and for the most part I’ve been doing really well.

And then I read this.

This story makes my blood run cold.  I don’t have much to say about it, I mean the story pretty much speaks for itself.  The implications are vast and it is a great representation of where this country is today….and where we are heading.

One excuse I’ve read online is that the neighbors are ‘inconvenienced’ by traffic and parking issues.  Okay…so will they not allow weekly poker games or Sunday family gatherings? What about college study groups or girl scout meetings?

Honestly, doesn’t this sound like a story you’d read about happening in China?

Please pray. That’s all I can really say.

Don’t mind me….

Just testing out a new camera and teaching myself how to upload the pictures!

But by all means, enjoy the view! 

A tribute to all the moms in my life

Today is Mother’s Day and I have an overall feeling of being so very proud of all the mothers in my life.

I am proud of my own mom, who raised three girls almost entirely on her own.  We struggled in a way I wouldn’t understand until I had a family of my own, and now that I realize what life was like for her, I am in awe.  We never missed a meal or went without clothes, even if I was mortified at the time that everything I owned came from Kmart.  Growing up in the age of designer jeans and Eastland shoes, I gave her such a bad time about that.  Today, I am so thankful.

I am proud of my sisters and the job they’ve done with thier kids.  My sister B married a man with custody of his two girls, aged 2 and 3.  She raised those girls as her own and if you didn’t know better, you’d think that she’d birthed them. Later, she had another daughter and has done such a great job raising all three.

My other sister L was pregnant at 15 years old. You can imagine all the difficulties she faced…and the father of the baby was long gone before the first year was over.  My sister amazed us all.  She went to college and is now married with a second child. She works full time, is going to college for her masters, and still makes it to basketball and soccer games all week long.  Her daughter is now a teenager and has turned out beautifully.

I am proud of my niece, who is 19, single, and pregnant.  She’s had a rough couple of years, to be sure. She rebelled against my sister and brother in law, left home while still in high school (but 18, so they couldn’t stop her), moved halfway across the country and lived a lifestyle that was full of freedom and trouble.  Having discovered her pregnancy a couple of months ago, she moved back home (thank goodness!) and is planning a life for herself and her unborn child. Not the most ideal of circumstances, to be sure, but she’s doing it with grace and determination.  She’s going to be just fine.

I am proud of my mother-in-law, who raised two sons while living in poverty and moving back and forth across the country constantly, with little hands-on help (diapers, baths, ect.) from her husband.  He provided financially for the family, but she was the nurturer.  Coming from an extended family in which more people end up in trouble than successful, her sons are both decent  loving  family men, who support for their families and are there for their children.

None of the women in my life had the storybook life of motherhood, yet they all faced the cards that were dealt them with grace, determination, and ultimately success.  I am very proud of each and every one of them and I’m thankful that I have them in my life!

Happy Mother’s Day to us all. 

Got your mask?

So, being a major germaphobe and all…

I am SO not digging this whole swine flu business. Seriously…is it not enough that we have to worry about lead in the toys, too much exposure to the sun, global warming, poison in our plastic cups, tainted veggies, and sitting too close to the TV? Now we can catch a flu that pigs get?? It’s just too much, ya’ll.

Sigh.

I’m not really freaking out or anything — in fact I joke about it all the time. My coping mechanism, perhaps? Either I can laugh or I can lock myself in my bedroom with some gloves, a mask, and a gallon jug of antibacterial gel. So….I find ways to make it funny.

My husband is Hispanic, so there’s always the option of walking with him through Walmart, speaking Spanish and hacking all over everyone. Watching them flee in terror, and all that jazz. We’re saving that one for a rainy day.

Truth be told, there are a couple of those white mouth covers (masks…why don’t I just say masks??) in my living room right this minute. (Yes! I’m serious! Don’t judge me.) My husband uses them for work and he brought some into the house for me the other day — you know — just in case some random person stumbles into our house with either a wicked cough or a large, feverish pig.

Between that and the giant jug of gel, we are SO prepared. 

To blog or not to blog?

Sorry I’m the worlds worst blogger these days!  I’ve been putting all my focus onto my weight-loss efforts and there just isn’t enough room in my rather limited brain to form a post about anything else right now.  Truth be told, I came here just now to announce that I’m shutting down this sad, neglected blog. Honestly, I just don’t see the point of it sitting here empty day after day…

But.

I can’t do it. Not yet. Once I start typing, I love the feeling of sharing a part of myself with all of you.  Even though I don’t do it very often, I hesitate before cutting the cord. How weird is it that I find just writing something for myself isn’t quite as satisfying as knowing someone else is reading it?  Sigh….I wonder if this is a sign of narcissism? 

Anyway, the weight loss is going slower now, which is driving me NUTS.  I’ve lost a total of 10 lbs. and I’m working SO hard at this!  I won’t go into details…if you want to know the ins and outs of the whole thing you can always check out the weight loss blog I started — I even update that one regularly if you can believe it!

We’re scrambling to finish our school year, while at the same time dealing with allergist appts, orthodontist appts, Princess’ crowning at church (post to come with pics), her play practices, state testing requirements, Mother’s day activities, slumber parties, baton practice, and on and on and on!  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I’m totally aware that there are Mom’s out there who do all this AND go to a full-time job everyday!  Can. Not. Imagine.

What else?  Well, there’s the whole issue of my relationship with God…which is on life support the last couple of weeks.  Ugh.  That is so hard to admit.  I get so stinking wrapped up in things and simply ignore what should be the most important area of my life!  I spend SO much mental energy on this losing weight thing, only to realize every evening that very little mental energy has been spent on prayer, Bible study, or just communing with God.   Shame on me.  This HAS to change…and soon.

Well, that’s my update for today. I hope that soon I’ll either become a better blogger again soon or find the courage to close down the whole stinking blog.  Either way, I sincerely hope you are all doing well and enjoying your spring!

My arms, they aren’t working!

So I did this new workout this morning and it totally messed me up. Like, I can hardly type this, seriously. My arms are shaky and I can’t really raise them at all.

So I am sitting here on the computer and the television had the local noon news on, but now it’s over and the Young and the Restless starts. Now, I don’t watch soaps at all…I’ve had a kid in the room for the past ten years! But hearing that song (which I heard SO many times during my childhood at my grandma’s house!) made me so nostalgic!

I need to change the channel….but my arms are SO tired that I can’t even reach over to the coffee table to pick up the stinking thing! I actually waited till kiddo walked into the room and told her to turn the television off for me.

I thought working out was supposed to make me more energetic, not a soap opera watching couch potato!

Hmmm. I’m thinking that I may have pushed the weights a bit too soon.

update on me

Yeah, I’m still alive and kicking. And I’m fine, honest! Not going through a down cycle or anything like that, I’m just not in a blogging state of mind lately, for some reason!

I’ve been really focused on losing weight the last few weeks, but didn’t want to bore all of you with the details so I’ve been blogging elsewhere about that. (If you actually DO want to follow my progress, you can find me here)

I’m also facebooking, as some of you already know! Email me if you aren’t already my ‘friend’ on facebook so I can add you!

The only life happenings (besides the diet/exercise kick I’m on) is that we are BUSY. We have our state testing next week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and the NEXT Monday, too!!) so we’re trying to finish as much school as possible before then.

It isn’t going well. Sigh.

Also, Princess is getting ready to be ‘crowned’ in her girls group at church. She belongs to a group called Stars, and they earn badges and memorize a ton of verses and other passages, and also read the entire New Testament. Once they complete the program they have a huge ceremony at church where they all dress VERY fancy and get a crown…which they then lay at the foot of the cross. (Sniff) There are a ton of things they have to do in preparation of the crowning ceremony and I’m ready for it all to be OVER!

But I’m really, really proud of her, too!

She also had her first communion on Good Friday, which was just incredible for her father and I. Watching her grow in her relationship with God is nothing short of amazing. It also humbles me to think of how often I mess up what her example of a Christian wife and mother should look like. Ugh. Why can’t I remember this when I’m blowing it in front of her?!?

Yeah, I’m also PMS-ing right now, so I’ve blown it in front of her a few times this week. Always lovely.

Anyway, that’s about it. Nothing exciting, but kinda busy. Not giving up totally on blogging just yet, I’ll try to do better!!

Hope you’re all doing well. I’m still reading all of your blogs, by the way, through a blog reader so I am not great at clicking through to comment that often. I’ll try to do better at that, too. 

Choices

Today I choose to be joyful.  I choose not to sweat the small stuff.

If I wanted to, right this minute I could think of twenty things to be anxious or upset about…couldn’t you?  I mean, just turning on the news or reading certain websites is enough to make me crazy these days!

Sometimes I forget that I have choices.  I can’t always choose the circumstances that surround me, but I can choose my reaction to them.  Sadly, I rarely make an effort to overcome my initial ‘woe is me’ type feelings.  I’m usually all about the woe. 

You know what though?  There will never, ever be a perfect day while I sit here on Earth. There will always be something I don’t like, something that is sad or unfair, something that hangs ominous in my future.  Always.  Do I want to waste my days focusing on those things, or can I just choose to be happy dispite them??

This is not something that comes easily to me, but does that mean I shouldn’t try?  Not anymore. I want to at least try to choose joy. If I fail, I fail…but at least I can say I made an effort.

So, today I am choosing to be joyful even though I am worried about the future, annoyed at a couple of family members, hearing my daughter cough, feeling fat, and overwhelmed by whats happening in our country. I’m joyful because THIS is the day that the Lord has made and He has it all under control.  That’s good stuff. 

Nothing much going on

Princess is feeling under the weather yet again! I don’t understand it…she has never been one to be sick often, usually only one cold per year, but this winter it has been one cold after another! It’s frustrating, to say the least.

So, we did nothing today but hang out and try to keep her mind off of her sore throat. I’ve managed to get laundry done, but sadly the kitchen is still beckoning! The last couple of days I’ve gotten into the bad habit of leaving the dinner dishes till the next day…I hate when I do that! I need to make sure I break that pattern before it gets out of hand and becomes the regular routine.

I also need to break the half (or no) workout pattern I have gotten into this week. I was finally doing a decent walk on the treadmill of an hour three times a week but I’ve been wimping out going for only 30 minutes or just plain skipping it altogether all week. Oh, I rationalize that at least I’m doing SOMETHING…but if I truly want to lose a few pounds by summer I need to do better.

I should probably stop eating the ice cream too, right? Breyers was on sale…

Fresh Start

Years ago when I first became a Christian I had a Bible that I loved so much I swore to myself I’d use it forever.  A few years later it became painfully obvious that wouldn’t happen. The pages were literally falling out, I lost a big part of Revelations, and my toddler (at the time) kindly decorated many of the pages for me!  So, after a while, I reluctantly shopped for a new Bible and was pleasantly surprised when I brought it home.

I found that I absolutely loved the newness of underlining my favorite passages again, rediscovering the revelation found in them.  I loved what felt like a fresh start in my studying, a clean slate in front of me, waiting for God to reveal new truths that I’d missed in the past.

That Bible has gotten me through the last seven (sometimes) spiritually rocky years, and here I am, excited to be once again starting anew. After much (far too much) deliberation, I took the plunge this weekend and bought a new Bible.  There was nothing really wrong with my old one (hence the much deliberation) except that it was a different version (NLT) than what my church, home group, and Bible study uses (NIV) and that sometimes caused problems.

Last night I started flipping through my new Bible, feeling that newness all over again. It reminded me of how readily God offers all of us a fresh start, a clean slate, a fresh word, a renewal of spirit.  All we have to do is ask and be open to hearing His voice.  What an incredible blessing that is!

Say what?

Last night, I heard this tune coming from the direction of the living room and had no clue what it was. It was coming from my phone, but it wasn’t my usual ring tone, so I’m all…’what the?’ My ten year old daughter promptly informs me that I was the proud recipient of a text!

I should take a moment to tell you that I am totally not a technology girl. Oh, I get on the internet (obviously) and I have a cell phone…but that’s about the end of it. Well, apparently my phone has texting on it but in the three years I’ve had it, I’ve never used it. Till last night, that is.

My sister wanted to tell me some news but couldn’t get somewhere private to call me so she texted me instead, never dreaming she’d just as well send me smoke signals, as effective as sending the text ended up being!

So anyway, I had a text message. Okay…so what do I do about that? I had no idea how to read the stinking thing! So I hit a few buttons (apparently texting her an empty text back in the process) and finally start a reply…to a message I still hadn’t figured out how to actually read!

So I type this simple reply basically saying ‘huh?’ only with more words for some strange reason, and it takes me what seems like forever to type it. I keep typing the wrong letters in, backspaced over the right ones, I couldn’t figure out how to make spaces or if there was a ‘return’ type key…

Hello? Apparently I am stuck somewhere in 1993 and I have to get a message out to the future. Can anyone help me? Could I use a telegraph, perhaps?

Later, I wanted to send a more in depth reply. Big mistake. No wonder ‘kids these days’ use all those stinking abbreviations! Just typing one regular word is an exercise in patience, let me tell you. Then again, who else but me would want to text a big paragraph containing words like ‘literally’ anyway??

I’m just not known for my brevity. I’m a ‘more is more’ type gal!

So, I was somewhat dragged kicking and screaming into the whole texting thing and I decided I don’t like it one bit. I told my sister that next time I’ll just write her a note and take a picture of it with my phone camera (assuming I can figure THAT out) and send her the pic. Much easier, right??

I made it!

Even though the weather isn’t showing it, today is the first day of Spring!  You have no idea how much I am blessed by this fact. I am NOT (seriously, I repeat…NOT) a Winter person. I hate wearing big, bulky coats. I hate the way snow looks after it’s been sitting around for a week. I hate being cold. High heat bills. The way my nose runs if I’m outside too long in the frigid air. Knowing my husband is freezing his butt off at work.

I miss: flip flops, capri’s, doing school out side, mornings put on my swing, picnics at the park, garage sales, watching my kiddo ride her bike, just grabbing my purse to run to the store instead of taking five minutes to bundle up, and the ice cream truck.  Among other things, of course.

The weird thing is that most of my bloggy friends live in warmer climates, so you all have no idea how much I long for Spring.  That’s okay, if you’ve taught me one thing it is this: you sometimes long for snow at Christmas and all that jazz. The heart wants what it can’t have, right? 

So anyway, happy first day of Spring, all!!  May we all be bare foot and eating fudgesicles soon.

Bouncing back

I just had to pop in and say that I’m doing alright.  The problem with posting a gritty post like yesterday’s is that once I feel better, I hate that I put it all out in the open like that…it feels very exposing!

However, I wanted to say thank you for not only the sweet comments and prayers (which I am unbelievably thankful for) but for those of you who confessed similar feelings…THANK YOU.  It is so easy to feel like you’re the ONLY one who struggles with certain feelings! It is incredibly isolating and shameful, so when you hear that so many people understand it is amazing.  God bless the internet for bringing us all together!!

I have a hard time talking about this kind of stuff in person, let me tell you.  Just a couple of weeks ago I tried desperately to explain it all to a friend over coffee…and basically made such a fool of myself.  There is no ‘edit’ button in real life!      My friend was sweet and all that, but I left feeling worse instead of better!

I just wish I could meet with all of you for coffee!  I just think we’d have a wonderful time, don’t you??  Maybe one day in Heaven….surely they’ll have the BEST coffee in Heaven! 

Weak

So, I am home this morning instead of sitting at church with my family.  I’m not sick…unless feeling sick spiritually counts.  I so wish I had the words to adequately explain how I feel.  I know I said I’d try to post positive, uplifting things but I just need a moment to vent and be real…stop reading now if you want to…I’ll never know.

I don’t remember if I mentioned it here, but a few weeks ago I had a bit of a breakdown at church, and for the first time that I can remember I couldn’t bring myself to take communion.  Why not?

Well, most of you are aware of my mental issues and the way they effect me daily, and one way that they tend to effect me is that when I’m going through a particularly hard moment I feel absolutely sinful.  Sinful because I am so entrenched in fear that I long for death.  Sinful because everything I tell myself during my ‘good’ times about how I’m going to deal with the next episode (pray, sing praises, quote Bible verses, ect) goes right out the window EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail when the bad moment comes.

My weakness is sinful, especially since I seemingly can’t bring myself to find God in that moment.  In that moment, I feel inadequate, even He feels inadequate. The fear has all the power. The anxiety is bigger than both of us.

Later, when the moment (usually a few hours, actually) has passed, I manage to get back to a good place with God and I try to forget the way I felt before.  But a couple of weeks back I happened to be in one of my panic/anxiety moments during church….and then it was communion time.

I am a person who takes the state of my heart before communion very seriously — I always have been.  I never want to take it casually.  That Sunday, I couldn’t get my heart and mind right at that moment, I just couldn’t.  I tried to pray and couldn’t. My fear and anxiety and the sin that surrounds it was all I could feel and so, with tears pouring down my face, I sat the cup and wafer down and left the sanctuary.

Sitting in a tucked away corner of the church, I just cried and cried.  Why on Earth can’t I defeat this? Why am I so weak? What is wrong with me?!?!  I am TIRED.  And you know what?  I thought to myself that maybe I’m not cut out to be a Christian.

I know the responses you all have right now because I know what I’d say if I were you.  None of it helps though.

I am, as a Christian, supposed to become more like Jesus everyday. I’m supposed to call down mountians, overcome my flesh, trust God and fear not.  I’m supposed to be strong!  Instead, I am a mess.  A big, fat, ugly mess.  I am such a mess that I am finding it hard to have a normal, functioning life.  This is not what a Christian is supposed to be, especially one who’s been saved for as long as I have been.

I feel like a failure.  Last night, we had small group at a friends house. This was only the third time we’ve gathered and already it is proving to be an unbelievable challenge for me.  Every week, it has thrown me into my ‘fear’ zone and after each meeting I think to myself that I just can’t do this.  From the moment we sit down, I want to get up and run out the door.  Last night, I got home, changed my clothes, and got straight into bed — fully intending to stay there for days.  Wishing I could stay there forever.  Wanting to die. Life is too hard for me. My weakness is swallowing me whole. I literally hate myself.

Today, I feel better, to be sure. I’m out of bed, dressed, ate some muffins — all good signs for me!  I didn’t go to church though. Oddly enough, it has nothing to do with God and everything to do with me.  I’m disgusted by my own weakness.  And I’m tired of being ashamed and feeling so sinful and I’m just unable today to pretend I’m fine.  I’m not.

I’m just not.

Homeschooled children being forced into public school by judge…in the U.S.

I don’t have the time for a long post, but I really wanted to draw your attention to THIS situation, especially you homeschoolers.  Sends cold shivers down my spine.  Sigh.

Something to think about…

I just read an article that I would love to hear your thoughts on!  It is called ‘The Coming Evangelical Collapse‘.

So much there to think about! There are things in the article that I disagree with (including parts of the actual conclusion and point of the article) but there are also things I wholeheartedly agree with, too.  For example, this quote:

Ironically, the billions of dollars we’ve spent on youth ministers, Christian music, publishing, and media has produced a culture of young Christians who know next to nothing about their own faith except how they feel about it.

I am afraid that there is a lot of truth in that statement. My old church even had the slogan ‘Feel your Faith’ and I always hated that! Yes, there are times when my faith in God results in some warm, fuzzy feelings, but for goodness sakes we have to get beyond our flesh here!

One of my favorite sayings is that love is a choice, not a feeling. Anyone who is married for more than say, six months, knows this too well! If we base our love for our spouse on our feelings alone, we would all end up divorced eventually. It is the same with our relationship with God. If you have to feel something to serve Him….you’ll eventually walk away from Him, because I guarantee you’ll have a wilderness experience when He’ll feel absent and you’ll feel no warm fuzzies….just emptiness and despair.

There is so much more to following God than how you feel!!  You need to develop deep roots within your spirit, and trust me, they don’t come easily.  It takes devotion, discipline, wrestling, patience, and a fierce desire for God. We (as a church) need to make sure we’re teaching these things so that we’re making disciples, not simply putting on a show or a feel-good self-help seminar.

Perhaps we’re trying to make it all too easy? Too carnal? Everything shouldn’t be able to be broken down into ‘Ten steps to this’ and ‘Five ways to guarantee that’ because you know what? A relationship with God can’t fit into those boxes.

Okay, that is way more than I intended to get into!  Anyway, that is just one thought I took away from the article.  You??

Chillin’

My daughter woke up feeling yucky today so it hasn’t been the productive day I thought it would be at first! Ahh well…on my list of worries, a day off of school (and the laundry, truth be told!) doesn’t sit too high! Luckily, yesterday was very productive so we can get away with it today!

The sofa bed is out and Princess is curled up under a blanket just snoring away. The dog is asleep under the bed, loving the unexpected ‘cave’ in the living room today! Me? I’m still sadly (and unfashionably) in my jammies and robe, for no reason other than I don’t feel particularly inspired to get dressed today! It’s so dark and warm in here (I have all the curtains closed and heat turned up for the kiddo) and I just feel a bit lazy, I suppose!

I’ve been doing a lot of blog reading today, since the little one has been doing nothing but watching one movie after another all day until she finally fell asleep. It’s been one of those days where the things I’ve read have really grieved and confused me. Why on Earth do we have to turn our love of God into something so ugly and twisted?

Anyway. I’m happy to report God is still working on me, for one. Truly, I am sure I get my walk with Him all twisted up sometimes, but I feel Him moving in my life these days! That doesn’t mean everything is going perfectly (at all!) but I feel Him doing something and that is all I can ask, considering what I give Him to work with!

Well, I’m thinking I’d better go get dressed now, and perhaps start a load of laundry while kiddo is snoozing. You know, try to make it LOOK like I got something accomplished today!! Of course, Hubby reads this so I’m totally busting myself right now. Love you, Sweetie!

Hope you are all having a great week!

Content

Life is good.

I’m on the sofa with a slight back injury (no idea what I did) and the livingroom is slightly messy. All I had for breakfast was a monster cookie, and it’s now after noon and I’m hungry for lunch. Life group is tonight and I haven’t decided if I’m going to enjoy the whole thing. My headboard is in the diningroom, where it has sat for at least three weeks waiting on Hubby to fix it. Laundry is relatively under control. I colored my hair last week and it turned out way too dark. Hubby is doing science with Princess right now, hopefully taking over the subject forever. The dog is growling at an invisible menace he see’s in the corner.

Nothing spectacular, nothing terrible.

Life is good.

Words

So, why haven’t I blogged in a sweet forever?  Where do I start?  The biggest reason is that I’ve been feeling very convicted about how and what I write here, after meditating a bit on this verse, which was mentioned recently by a friend of mine.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.   Eph. 4:29

So, I started thinking about what I shouldn’t have coming out of my mouth — or blog, in this case — according to this verse.  Other versions use the terms: corrupt communication, rotten talk, harmful things, worthless talk.  Guilty, guilty, guilty, and guilty.  Sigh.

Other translations of what I should be saying:  encouraging, giving or ministering grace, edifying, beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, building up someone in need.

Hmmm.

It isn’t that what I write is terribly unwholesome or nasty, but at the same time, I also don’t think much of what I write is building anyone up or benefiting anyone.  That is a heavy responsibility when you really think about it!

Sadly, I tend to be most inspired to write when something is bugging me, or when I feel the need to vent or whine.  Not especially conducive to living out that verse!  I sometimes do get inspired to write about something God is revealing or working with me on, but then I wimp out before writing it because I still struggle with those things and I don’t want to appear hypocritical, know what I mean??

So, I’m just not saying much of anything for now.  Just rethinking some things and whatnot.  Still wrestling…as usual!

Happy Birthday “Mi Vida”

I have high jacked your blog for just a moment….sorry. I just wanted to say that I LOVE YOU and HAPPY BIRTHDAY

**Edited to add:  That was my husband. I had no idea he even knew how to post on here!  Anyway, just thought I’d explain!**